I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
