its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
