Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
