Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
