There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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