I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
