At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just googled if crying burns calories
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
