If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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