i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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