my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
