dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
