Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
