I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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