im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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