I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
