just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
