So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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