I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
