K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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