I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
