is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
