im drinking this country out of the recession.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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