i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
