DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
