i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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