you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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