I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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