My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
