HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
