Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
