I met the friendliest cop last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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