I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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