So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
