Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You made out with two different species that night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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