I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
