If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
