You can't special order awesome
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
