i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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