In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
