i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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