get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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