if only i could text you this smell
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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