Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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