This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's a naked man in my car right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
