He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
