he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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