Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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