My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
