i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize