So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
