I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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