her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
