bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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