We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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