He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
