I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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