i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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