i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
