i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
