My room smells like vodka and shame
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
