Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
