peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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