I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is Oprah even human
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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