you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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