I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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