I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
