im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
