it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
